Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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