I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
