life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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