Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
