so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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