just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
