I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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