all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
