Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize