return my video game
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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