I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize