Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
