Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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