We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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