the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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