I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
