We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
