your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
