the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
