I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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