nut hugger
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize