it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
