our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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