my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
