what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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