Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
