i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
