He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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