he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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