I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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