Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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