if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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