I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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