sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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