If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize