yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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