what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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