Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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