and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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