I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
