How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
