I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
