Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
