Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
