that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have aggressive nipples.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
