Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
