I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize