We won't sleep together?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
