omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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