Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
