remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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