Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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