The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
