I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
