I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hippo gnu deer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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