If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
