the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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