Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
