I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
