come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
