Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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