I wannas sexs uuuuu
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize