the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
