so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
