Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ok first of all what the fuck
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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