and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
