Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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