I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
