I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
