he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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