K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
