if you like me you must not know who I am
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
