how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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