so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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